Saturday, May 3, 2008

Glory glory HALLELUJAH

The Spill Canvas - Natalie Marie and 1cc

Natalie, it turns out that your were just my sick little fantasy
So I tried to pry you from my head
Now look at me
It appears as if I've injured myself severely, yeah
But like the doctor said you were always dead

Glorifying any person is dumb. It's gonna get you sad, disappointed, heartbroken?
Thinking a relationship's gonna work when you and your favorite person in the world are obviously not meant to be together, nor correctly fitting. Different personalities, different views, it can seem like a relief when your lover doesn't like everything you like, surprises you with his different view, not always in a positive way, but in the end I'm guessing only 20% of those couples survive. Thinking your relationship's gonna work, surely he has hurt you, but he never meant to do that, and he does lots of nice things as well. First of all: Count them. Believe me, I've been there, the first disappointment is realizing that most of the nice moments were either before or in the beginning of your relationship. Then, you count those things as nice things, but if a comment he's made would have come out of your mouth, would he have interpreted it as being nice as well? It's so easy to lose yourself in your gratefulness of the fact that someone actually wants to be seen with you, actually wants to kiss you, actually wants to hug you. Not that everybody else wouldn't want to be caught dead with you, but it's part of your fake insecurities right? Everybody hates you. The only reason they're being nice to you is because they feel sorry for you. And if only you would've been more like your best friend/greatest foe/mom/piece of toast, everybody would want you for who you are. Liar.
So. Assuming you counted about 3 nice things in the last month. Assuming 2 of them would've been called nice by him as well. That's bad. Hmm? You counted 37? and 29 would've been called nice by him as well? Still bad. You know why? You shouldn't be able to count the moments you feel happy with your man. You should have lost count long ago, he should be doing nice things for you all the time. It's easier to say this than to do anything about it. It's true. I lost myself in my relationship. I glorified him, kissed the toilet seat he'd sit on when he'd take a dump. Not literally. He was my hero. I thought of him as my savior. And why really? He didn't save my life, it wasn't as if I was thinking of suicide before he showed up. It wasn't like nobody liked me. The only reason was that I thought that he wanted what was best for me. I was wrong. I warn you, if he ever treats you bad. If he hurts you during fights, with words or with actions, if he lies to you, if he doesn't trust you, if he thinks you are dumb, if he ever dares to call you scrotum, DUMP HIM! Your life hasn't ended, the dream has. And you are so much better of without it. Without him.

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