Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Going at 60 Malaysian Ringgit, which is 12 euros..
Going at 59 Malaysian Ringgit, about 12 euros as well
Going at 56 Malaysian Ringgit, 11 euros!
And my personal favorite
Going at 79 Malaysian Ringgit, 15 euros...
THIS IS SO UNFAIR!
Philosophy, 73 terms, 1 full -free- day left, 2 days in total, one boyfriend to spend/waste my precious time with, 18382783 movies left to see, 3 tests left, 1 bottle of booze left, 2 already planned parties left, one call left, 2 library books due about 2 months ago, too little money to pay the fines for those left, one chunk of Ben & Jerry's left. Should be able to survive the upcoming week.
I'm falling for this guy, baaaaadly. He's been here yesterday, the day before yesterday, and he's gonna be here tonight. <3
I'm gonna pass my exams. No matter what. 3 left to go, and I'm passing them with flying colors. I just have to!
I regret not talking to my ex anymore, so I can stab his back by hooking up with somebody else so fast. Eat your heart out bitch :)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
And I'm NEVER discussing tests with J. again. His arrogance concerning maths is just unbelievable. ''I've made only few mistakes, all little messed up ones, otherwise I would've gotten full points for everything. It was so eeeeaaaaasy.'' Fck off retard I've never felt worse about a test in my life. buh.
4 finished, 3 to go.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
First I spend my entire night helping 3 of my friends who all have a sudden breakdown, because their girlfriend broke up with them, might break up with them (yes J., M. might break up with E. omg.), or has broken up with them 3 weeks ago and they think everyone thinks they're ugly. And right after that. I finally feel like I've helped them, and to thank me, God sends this impossibly arrogant selfish idiot (one of the people I actually defend because my friends don't like him) towards my side of the bar, to just sit and sulk, and when I've finally found the courage to leave my friends in need because I NEED SLEEP, this idiot dares to send me an sms that practically says I'm an arrogant bitch who needs to die because she doesn't care about anyones feelings, and oh yeah, good luck on my shitty exams. Fucking bastard. Small thanks I had for it. God, it'll take me a while to forgive you for this one.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Step one: You cry. You cry and cry and cry when you're supposed to sleep and cry some more.
Step two: You blame him. Throw him out of your life. Burn his pictures. If he wants to be friends. SCREW HIM. If he didn't treat you like he should have hell no you can't be friends! Friends wouldn't treat each other the way he treated you. Get over the fact you'll never have an answer to a lot of questions. If you have things about him on your computer, throw them all in one file, and hide it somewhere on your computer so it's not in your face or anything. Think of it as this: if there ever comes a time when you can think about him and smile because things happened, you can always open these files. Before that day, DON'T open it.
Step three: You stalk your friends in the middle of the night because you can't sleep. You ask them what they like about you, and by doing this you try to convince yourself that you deserve better. The longer it's been since you've spoken to him, the better this will work. Also, pay attention to any kind of positive energy from the other sex. Don't do anything with it, just see it as a compliment.
Step four: Do all the interesting, hot, possibly illegal stuff you couldn't do because you were with him. Hit on a boy and dump him afterwards. Don't think about the consequences for him, you've got a broken heart to mend.
Step five: Do more stuff with friends. Make new friends. Make plans for your holidays. Make sure you do everything you want to, and be positive. If some guy likes you, don't blow him off right away, even if things don't work out, it's nice for your confidence to know that someone likes you.
Step six: Keep ignoring your ex. Yes, he is your ex now. Maybe even your mistake. You don't make mistakes, you just date them. Don't ever call him your boyfriend ever again, not even when you tell people about the good things in your relationship. EX. Anyway, keep ignoring him. Don't care about what he does to/with others. Even if he'd fuck the entire world. As if he was that good anyway. If he tries to contact you, yell at him and hurt him emotionally. He doesn't feel sorry enough for you when you cry about him to make up and everything, so you shouldn't feel sorry for him either. Don't feel guilty. It is all his fault. Of course you know there are some things you could've done differently, but it's over, case closed, the end, and it should be the cue of happy ending music. There is a reason why you didn't end up together. The reason is that there is someone better out there.
Step seven: Stop talking about him. I know you want to tell everyone a million times about him, even if everything you want to say is bad, stop it. Your friends can't do anything about it anyway, what do you want them to do, break his nose? Will you feel better then? This process is yours, and though it sucks, afterwards you will feel much better. Just stop talking about him and stop thinking about him. See other guys. Meet new people. Realize that there are millions of cute guys in the world. Single ones that aren't gay.
It won't take you long to find someone else. Some steps can be forgotten. Sometimes you should add another step. Just because some idiot dumped you, doesn't mean that your life's over. It has just begun.
It's only been a month for me. 2 weeks of crying, 2 weeks of concentrating on other stuff. And now there are new boys in my life. muahahaha.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
I'm not sure what I see
cupid don't fuck with me!
Are you telling me this is a sign?
She's looking in my eyes, noticing no other guys
Are you telling me this is a sign?
So is it? WHYY are guys always so hard to understand?!
Oh btw, North Country = <3
Monday, May 12, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
You can't hide from me, but don't you surrender anything..
Don't you know that, that patience is a virtue (yes it is), and life is a waiting game...don't you know that, peace must be nurtured
And all the money in the world can buy you nothing... (i tell you that)
All these things happen, all these things happen for a reason, don't you go on and throw it all away ...when the seasons change (you gonna change)...
Hurts me to see you feel this way but it won't be always, don't you know everything got to change,oh... feels like all your hope is gone, you can't carry on, but there's nothing oh, you don't have to pretend with me, don't you know that, that patience is a virtue, (yes it is), and life is a waiting game, don't you know that, peace must be nurtured...
All the money in the world can buy you nothing, (let me tell you that)...
All these things happen, all these I've done for a reason...don't you go on throw it all away , when the seasons change
Oh oh oh...
When the seasons change
I'm so super sexy, bet you can't do it like me. I push up the twins and you get scared and take a seat. I'm the xxxx in real life, you just look good on TV. If you watch me closely you might learn a thing, or three. Why you gots to do it like that? I know you mad and I had to come back
Why you gots to do it like that? Cause I'm sexy as hell with my tied up legs, like watch me
NO. Just no.
Just because of the fact that she thinks she's got 'it' (whatever the hell 'it' may be), she lost it right there already. Annoying mf.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
We talk a little relationshit
While listening in to 'Lover's spit'
My thoughts go like... (toetoetoetoetoe)
And every time we avoid a kiss
We're talking all but relationship
And when you bring some common sense
My eyes go like... (toetoetoetoetoe)
This song reminds me of all relationships any of my friends have ever had.
Except for the toetoetoetoetoe. it makes me happy <3
Sunday, May 4, 2008
I gave in, turned blind, got left behind
I realise it’s not hard to fake being kind
Don’t cheat on me, don’t lie
If you’ve had enough, please just say goodbye
Forever in denial
But what undoubtedly could have been
Would have been so much better
Than this something in between.
I wish you'd wanted me to go with you.
He wants to live like a hermit in a year. In Japan. When he started dating me he didn't change his mind. He didn't want me to come with him. He started doubting our relationship because I loved him enough to follow him everywhere.
I'm better than this.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Natalie, it turns out that your were just my sick little fantasy
So I tried to pry you from my head
Now look at me
It appears as if I've injured myself severely, yeah
But like the doctor said you were always dead
Glorifying any person is dumb. It's gonna get you sad, disappointed, heartbroken?
Thinking a relationship's gonna work when you and your favorite person in the world are obviously not meant to be together, nor correctly fitting. Different personalities, different views, it can seem like a relief when your lover doesn't like everything you like, surprises you with his different view, not always in a positive way, but in the end I'm guessing only 20% of those couples survive. Thinking your relationship's gonna work, surely he has hurt you, but he never meant to do that, and he does lots of nice things as well. First of all: Count them. Believe me, I've been there, the first disappointment is realizing that most of the nice moments were either before or in the beginning of your relationship. Then, you count those things as nice things, but if a comment he's made would have come out of your mouth, would he have interpreted it as being nice as well? It's so easy to lose yourself in your gratefulness of the fact that someone actually wants to be seen with you, actually wants to kiss you, actually wants to hug you. Not that everybody else wouldn't want to be caught dead with you, but it's part of your fake insecurities right? Everybody hates you. The only reason they're being nice to you is because they feel sorry for you. And if only you would've been more like your best friend/greatest foe/mom/piece of toast, everybody would want you for who you are. Liar.
So. Assuming you counted about 3 nice things in the last month. Assuming 2 of them would've been called nice by him as well. That's bad. Hmm? You counted 37? and 29 would've been called nice by him as well? Still bad. You know why? You shouldn't be able to count the moments you feel happy with your man. You should have lost count long ago, he should be doing nice things for you all the time. It's easier to say this than to do anything about it. It's true. I lost myself in my relationship. I glorified him, kissed the toilet seat he'd sit on when he'd take a dump. Not literally. He was my hero. I thought of him as my savior. And why really? He didn't save my life, it wasn't as if I was thinking of suicide before he showed up. It wasn't like nobody liked me. The only reason was that I thought that he wanted what was best for me. I was wrong. I warn you, if he ever treats you bad. If he hurts you during fights, with words or with actions, if he lies to you, if he doesn't trust you, if he thinks you are dumb, if he ever dares to call you scrotum, DUMP HIM! Your life hasn't ended, the dream has. And you are so much better of without it. Without him.
I will win. I guarantee you that I will win. I have never met anyone so obsessed with shoes as me. I'm pathetic. Today I bought the cutest blue pumps with peeptoe and knot on it. They cost me only 15 euros. I rock, and my day has been brightened, as well as my week.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Anyway. These moments when I'm so utterly bored are really dangerous for me. As I said before I am a hugely obsessive person, and mostly it ends with someone thinking I'm a freak. Most of the time I forget my obsessions afterwards, but there have been a few that have kind of affected my life:
My Scrubs obsession. Yes the tv show. A friend of mine bought the first 3 seasons on DVD, and he lent them to me, then I spent 6 straight days watching all episodes on it over and over again. It made me screw up 2 tests, and indirectly it got me into a huge fight with my then boyfriend.
My Harry Potter obsession. This one was huge. And there are still little traces left. When I read the first book I immediately fell in love with the series, and I have spent years writing book reports (for fun, that's how bad it was), buying the books in all possible languages, fangirling over the characters (Malfoy was my favorite), playing with my friends and having fights over who would be Hermione, and of course collecting everything on the subject. Every book that came out got read in 3 hours, and then it would be waiting for the next one for a year. After reading the last book it kind of felt like closure, and that's the point where it stopped.
My Football obsession. Soccer. Not the American sport. WC2006. I was 16 and I didn't really know much about football (I knew the offside rule, but that was about it), and then I saw it and besides falling in love with all the running, sweaty, married men on the field, the atmosphere really appealed to me. I still watch a lot of games, especially when arsenal is playing and they show it around here (otherwise it's waiting for reports written by my friends on the internet), but it's been a lot worse.
My Portugal obsession. This was probably the worst one. I went on a vacation with my parents to Portugal, and it was so much fun that I've spent some months searching for ways to move there *laughs at self*. Still traces left of that one as well. I might be studying Portuguese language and culture in a year *whistles*.
My Tokio Hotel obsession. This was definitely the most pathetic one, but my excuse is that it was for fun. My friend and I were bored (yeah you're gonna hear that a lot from me), so we made up our very own tokio hotel obsession which involved listening to their songs and making ourselves believe we actually liked them and stuff.
- Save up some money, to travel to Milan or London (or Barça) with a friend.
- Learn to play Comptine d'une autre été by Yann Tiersen on the piano.
- Learn to play Imagine by John Lennon on the piano. (Singing included)
- Stop falling for guys who are taken.
- Pass my exams.
- Find a room in Utrecht.
- Stop eating so much Ben&Jerry's.
- Realize my ex was a stupid prick, realize that I deserve someone much better, more caring, someone less like Satan.
- Don't start biting my nails again.
- Never touch a cigarette.
Well. That's about it I guess. Let's see how things will work out.
Tu m'as dit oui que tu vas m'epouser
Tu m'as dit oui, ton amour est vrai
Mais tu sors avec des femmes
Et rentre avec leur parfum
About a guy who says he wants to marry his chick, but goes out with girls and comes back with their scent on him.
I think this song is a nice example of a weirdly combined beat and lyrics. If I only judge the music, I think of it as a typical summer song (which it is in fact), but when you see the lyrics the atmosphere is quite different, a bit darker and sad. This is the only song by In Grid I know, I guess she was just a typical one day fly, maybe she had some more hits in France, or maybe I haven't noticed her before or after.
[I love you]
Enough to hold you to the brightest of lights,
to place you dangerously close to that sun,
enough to acknowledge the flaws you can't ignore
and recognize the cause of what's done is done,
more than enough to put my name behind my ideals,
and neglect my logic twice daily.
enough to keep me looking for my Lucy in the sky with gems,
when I remember how you used to call me baby,
enough to look in my mirror with detest
for every tear you shed regardless of why you wept,
enough to curse any man who can't appreciate the depth
of the ocean I swam till I ran out of breath.
This song confuses me big time. This song describes how I feel a little bit, but it's a bit inconsistent in my opinion. For instance: more than enough to put my name behind my ideals, and neglect my logic twice daily really appeals to me, I tend to lose my logic in relationships and just show how I feel and stuff. I have been hurt, but I loved him too much to acknowledge that he really meant things, and that he wasn't willing to change. But. Enough to keep me looking for my Lucy in the sky with gems is a sentence I really don't get. it's changed from Lucy in the sky with diamonds, from the Beatles, apparently they referred to drugs, but to me it doesn't seem like they're doing that. Something to think about for me.
Nice song though, I love how the aggression shines through so obviously in Atmosphere's songs, it makes me feel like working out.
This is my blog. I've had tons before (go search for them, they all contain the same kind of posts unfortunately), about this subject as well, about him as well, but a fresh start is needed sometimes to get my head clear.
This blog will contain more than that. I hope. I think it would make me feel better if this blog was different. I'm gonna be a new person.