The Spill Canvas - Natalie Marie and 1cc
Natalie, it turns out that your were just my sick little fantasy
So I tried to pry you from my head
Now look at me
It appears as if I've injured myself severely, yeah
But like the doctor said you were always dead
Glorifying any person is dumb. It's gonna get you sad, disappointed, heartbroken?
Thinking a relationship's gonna work when you and your favorite person in the world are obviously not meant to be together, nor correctly fitting. Different personalities, different views, it can seem like a relief when your lover doesn't like everything you like, surprises you with his different view, not always in a positive way, but in the end I'm guessing only 20% of those couples survive. Thinking your relationship's gonna work, surely he has hurt you, but he never meant to do that, and he does lots of nice things as well. First of all: Count them. Believe me, I've been there, the first disappointment is realizing that most of the nice moments were either before or in the beginning of your relationship. Then, you count those things as nice things, but if a comment he's made would have come out of your mouth, would he have interpreted it as being nice as well? It's so easy to lose yourself in your gratefulness of the fact that someone actually wants to be seen with you, actually wants to kiss you, actually wants to hug you. Not that everybody else wouldn't want to be caught dead with you, but it's part of your fake insecurities right? Everybody hates you. The only reason they're being nice to you is because they feel sorry for you. And if only you would've been more like your best friend/greatest foe/mom/piece of toast, everybody would want you for who you are. Liar.
So. Assuming you counted about 3 nice things in the last month. Assuming 2 of them would've been called nice by him as well. That's bad. Hmm? You counted 37? and 29 would've been called nice by him as well? Still bad. You know why? You shouldn't be able to count the moments you feel happy with your man. You should have lost count long ago, he should be doing nice things for you all the time. It's easier to say this than to do anything about it. It's true. I lost myself in my relationship. I glorified him, kissed the toilet seat he'd sit on when he'd take a dump. Not literally. He was my hero. I thought of him as my savior. And why really? He didn't save my life, it wasn't as if I was thinking of suicide before he showed up. It wasn't like nobody liked me. The only reason was that I thought that he wanted what was best for me. I was wrong. I warn you, if he ever treats you bad. If he hurts you during fights, with words or with actions, if he lies to you, if he doesn't trust you, if he thinks you are dumb, if he ever dares to call you scrotum, DUMP HIM! Your life hasn't ended, the dream has. And you are so much better of without it. Without him.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Shoes
The woman who dies with the most shoes, wins.
I will win. I guarantee you that I will win. I have never met anyone so obsessed with shoes as me. I'm pathetic. Today I bought the cutest blue pumps with peeptoe and knot on it. They cost me only 15 euros. I rock, and my day has been brightened, as well as my week.
I will win. I guarantee you that I will win. I have never met anyone so obsessed with shoes as me. I'm pathetic. Today I bought the cutest blue pumps with peeptoe and knot on it. They cost me only 15 euros. I rock, and my day has been brightened, as well as my week.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Obsessing
Yeah the truth is that I am realllllly bored. That's why all these blogs were written on the same day. I just woke up so inspired that I couldn't spread stuff over a few days. So yeah.
Anyway. These moments when I'm so utterly bored are really dangerous for me. As I said before I am a hugely obsessive person, and mostly it ends with someone thinking I'm a freak. Most of the time I forget my obsessions afterwards, but there have been a few that have kind of affected my life:
My Scrubs obsession. Yes the tv show. A friend of mine bought the first 3 seasons on DVD, and he lent them to me, then I spent 6 straight days watching all episodes on it over and over again. It made me screw up 2 tests, and indirectly it got me into a huge fight with my then boyfriend.
My Harry Potter obsession. This one was huge. And there are still little traces left. When I read the first book I immediately fell in love with the series, and I have spent years writing book reports (for fun, that's how bad it was), buying the books in all possible languages, fangirling over the characters (Malfoy was my favorite), playing with my friends and having fights over who would be Hermione, and of course collecting everything on the subject. Every book that came out got read in 3 hours, and then it would be waiting for the next one for a year. After reading the last book it kind of felt like closure, and that's the point where it stopped.
My Football obsession. Soccer. Not the American sport. WC2006. I was 16 and I didn't really know much about football (I knew the offside rule, but that was about it), and then I saw it and besides falling in love with all the running, sweaty, married men on the field, the atmosphere really appealed to me. I still watch a lot of games, especially when arsenal is playing and they show it around here (otherwise it's waiting for reports written by my friends on the internet), but it's been a lot worse.
My Portugal obsession. This was probably the worst one. I went on a vacation with my parents to Portugal, and it was so much fun that I've spent some months searching for ways to move there *laughs at self*. Still traces left of that one as well. I might be studying Portuguese language and culture in a year *whistles*.
My Tokio Hotel obsession. This was definitely the most pathetic one, but my excuse is that it was for fun. My friend and I were bored (yeah you're gonna hear that a lot from me), so we made up our very own tokio hotel obsession which involved listening to their songs and making ourselves believe we actually liked them and stuff.
Anyway. These moments when I'm so utterly bored are really dangerous for me. As I said before I am a hugely obsessive person, and mostly it ends with someone thinking I'm a freak. Most of the time I forget my obsessions afterwards, but there have been a few that have kind of affected my life:
My Scrubs obsession. Yes the tv show. A friend of mine bought the first 3 seasons on DVD, and he lent them to me, then I spent 6 straight days watching all episodes on it over and over again. It made me screw up 2 tests, and indirectly it got me into a huge fight with my then boyfriend.
My Harry Potter obsession. This one was huge. And there are still little traces left. When I read the first book I immediately fell in love with the series, and I have spent years writing book reports (for fun, that's how bad it was), buying the books in all possible languages, fangirling over the characters (Malfoy was my favorite), playing with my friends and having fights over who would be Hermione, and of course collecting everything on the subject. Every book that came out got read in 3 hours, and then it would be waiting for the next one for a year. After reading the last book it kind of felt like closure, and that's the point where it stopped.
My Football obsession. Soccer. Not the American sport. WC2006. I was 16 and I didn't really know much about football (I knew the offside rule, but that was about it), and then I saw it and besides falling in love with all the running, sweaty, married men on the field, the atmosphere really appealed to me. I still watch a lot of games, especially when arsenal is playing and they show it around here (otherwise it's waiting for reports written by my friends on the internet), but it's been a lot worse.
My Portugal obsession. This was probably the worst one. I went on a vacation with my parents to Portugal, and it was so much fun that I've spent some months searching for ways to move there *laughs at self*. Still traces left of that one as well. I might be studying Portuguese language and culture in a year *whistles*.
My Tokio Hotel obsession. This was definitely the most pathetic one, but my excuse is that it was for fun. My friend and I were bored (yeah you're gonna hear that a lot from me), so we made up our very own tokio hotel obsession which involved listening to their songs and making ourselves believe we actually liked them and stuff.
Goals
Okay let me make this clear: I am the laziest bum you will ever find on earth who still looks like a regular person. Oh how I would like that to change, but when thinking rationally about it I already conclude that it won't. At least not in the near future. However, I have other goals I want to be accomplished by the end of this year, and just for the sake of knowing that I have them I'm gonna write them down. At least one of them should be accomplished by then right?
- Save up some money, to travel to Milan or London (or Barça) with a friend.
- Learn to play Comptine d'une autre été by Yann Tiersen on the piano.
- Learn to play Imagine by John Lennon on the piano. (Singing included)
- Stop falling for guys who are taken.
- Pass my exams.
- Find a room in Utrecht.
- Stop eating so much Ben&Jerry's.
- Realize my ex was a stupid prick, realize that I deserve someone much better, more caring, someone less like Satan.
- Don't start biting my nails again.
- Never touch a cigarette.
Well. That's about it I guess. Let's see how things will work out.
- Save up some money, to travel to Milan or London (or Barça) with a friend.
- Learn to play Comptine d'une autre été by Yann Tiersen on the piano.
- Learn to play Imagine by John Lennon on the piano. (Singing included)
- Stop falling for guys who are taken.
- Pass my exams.
- Find a room in Utrecht.
- Stop eating so much Ben&Jerry's.
- Realize my ex was a stupid prick, realize that I deserve someone much better, more caring, someone less like Satan.
- Don't start biting my nails again.
- Never touch a cigarette.
Well. That's about it I guess. Let's see how things will work out.
Tu m'a dit oui
In Grid - Oui
Tu m'as dit oui que tu vas m'epouser
Tu m'as dit oui, ton amour est vrai
Mais tu sors avec des femmes
Et rentre avec leur parfum
About a guy who says he wants to marry his chick, but goes out with girls and comes back with their scent on him.
I think this song is a nice example of a weirdly combined beat and lyrics. If I only judge the music, I think of it as a typical summer song (which it is in fact), but when you see the lyrics the atmosphere is quite different, a bit darker and sad. This is the only song by In Grid I know, I guess she was just a typical one day fly, maybe she had some more hits in France, or maybe I haven't noticed her before or after.
Tu m'as dit oui que tu vas m'epouser
Tu m'as dit oui, ton amour est vrai
Mais tu sors avec des femmes
Et rentre avec leur parfum
About a guy who says he wants to marry his chick, but goes out with girls and comes back with their scent on him.
I think this song is a nice example of a weirdly combined beat and lyrics. If I only judge the music, I think of it as a typical summer song (which it is in fact), but when you see the lyrics the atmosphere is quite different, a bit darker and sad. This is the only song by In Grid I know, I guess she was just a typical one day fly, maybe she had some more hits in France, or maybe I haven't noticed her before or after.
I love you
Atmosphere - Don't ever f-cking question that
[I love you]
Enough to hold you to the brightest of lights,
to place you dangerously close to that sun,
enough to acknowledge the flaws you can't ignore
and recognize the cause of what's done is done,
more than enough to put my name behind my ideals,
and neglect my logic twice daily.
enough to keep me looking for my Lucy in the sky with gems,
when I remember how you used to call me baby,
enough to look in my mirror with detest
for every tear you shed regardless of why you wept,
enough to curse any man who can't appreciate the depth
of the ocean I swam till I ran out of breath.
This song confuses me big time. This song describes how I feel a little bit, but it's a bit inconsistent in my opinion. For instance: more than enough to put my name behind my ideals, and neglect my logic twice daily really appeals to me, I tend to lose my logic in relationships and just show how I feel and stuff. I have been hurt, but I loved him too much to acknowledge that he really meant things, and that he wasn't willing to change. But. Enough to keep me looking for my Lucy in the sky with gems is a sentence I really don't get. it's changed from Lucy in the sky with diamonds, from the Beatles, apparently they referred to drugs, but to me it doesn't seem like they're doing that. Something to think about for me.
Nice song though, I love how the aggression shines through so obviously in Atmosphere's songs, it makes me feel like working out.
[I love you]
Enough to hold you to the brightest of lights,
to place you dangerously close to that sun,
enough to acknowledge the flaws you can't ignore
and recognize the cause of what's done is done,
more than enough to put my name behind my ideals,
and neglect my logic twice daily.
enough to keep me looking for my Lucy in the sky with gems,
when I remember how you used to call me baby,
enough to look in my mirror with detest
for every tear you shed regardless of why you wept,
enough to curse any man who can't appreciate the depth
of the ocean I swam till I ran out of breath.
This song confuses me big time. This song describes how I feel a little bit, but it's a bit inconsistent in my opinion. For instance: more than enough to put my name behind my ideals, and neglect my logic twice daily really appeals to me, I tend to lose my logic in relationships and just show how I feel and stuff. I have been hurt, but I loved him too much to acknowledge that he really meant things, and that he wasn't willing to change. But. Enough to keep me looking for my Lucy in the sky with gems is a sentence I really don't get. it's changed from Lucy in the sky with diamonds, from the Beatles, apparently they referred to drugs, but to me it doesn't seem like they're doing that. Something to think about for me.
Nice song though, I love how the aggression shines through so obviously in Atmosphere's songs, it makes me feel like working out.
The whirlwind of facts
In theory it is my fault. We have been friends for 6 years now, and have liked each other on and off. I never wanted to take the chance because the possibility of ruining our friendship scared me. I am 17 now, I don't really fear that anymore, things happen for a reason and if our friendship couldn't survive a break-up, it probably wasn't worth it to begin with. I am ready to take a chance on him and me now.
But.
He's taken.
This is my blog. I've had tons before (go search for them, they all contain the same kind of posts unfortunately), about this subject as well, about him as well, but a fresh start is needed sometimes to get my head clear.
This blog will contain more than that. I hope. I think it would make me feel better if this blog was different. I'm gonna be a new person.
But.
He's taken.
This is my blog. I've had tons before (go search for them, they all contain the same kind of posts unfortunately), about this subject as well, about him as well, but a fresh start is needed sometimes to get my head clear.
This blog will contain more than that. I hope. I think it would make me feel better if this blog was different. I'm gonna be a new person.
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