Doubts

I told him I want to see him less often. I see him about 4 times a week, I want to cut it down to 2 times, maybe 3. I'm starting to doubt my feelings for him, so that sucks, but we'll see what happens..

Polaroids <3

Hopefully the photo's will arrive tomorrow. Yesterday was cute <3
Lucky paper stars. folded them throughout the week, finish enough to fill a bottle and give to S., as a thank you note for the last 3 years with her, and for, well... luck..
Thursday omg 8-|

Warwick Avenue

When I get to Warwick Avenue...
Meet me by the entrance of the tube.
We can talk things over, a little time...
Promise me you won't step outta line.

When I get to Warwick Avenue...
Please drop the past and be true.
Don't think we're okay, just because I'm here...
You hurt me bad, but I won't shed a tear.

I'm leaving you for the last time baby...
You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I've been confused outta’ my mind lately...
You think you're loving but I want to be free.
Baby you've hurt me.

When I get to Warwick Avenue...
We'll spend an hour, but no more than two.
Our only chance to speak, once more...
I showed you the answers, now here's the door.

When I get to Warwick Avenue...
I'll tell you baby, that we're through.

I'm leaving you for the last time baby...
You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I've been confused outta’ my mind lately...
You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I want to be free, baby you've hurt me.

All the days spent together, I wished for better,
But I didn't want the train to come.
Now it's departed,
I'm broken hearted, seems like we never started.
All the days spent together, when I wished for better,
And I didn't want the train to come

You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I want to be free, baby you've hurt me.
You don't love me,
I want to be free,
Baby you've hurt me.


This song is so fitting and yet not fitting at all.

Boozed

Period. Hangover. Mosquito bites. Buuuuuuh. Today is my Sunday.

E. and M. broke up. She did it. The same night, she had sex with D. Idiot. Now everyone hates her. Finally.

And still

I kinda get lonely sometimes

Boom it's on

He practically pronounced me his girlfriend. I mean, in our pub, pulling me towards him and kissing me in front of everyone. Afterwards asking me if we're a couple now. I think it takes nerves...0:)

How to get over him

My way:
Step one: You cry. You cry and cry and cry when you're supposed to sleep and cry some more.
Step two: You blame him. Throw him out of your life. Burn his pictures. If he wants to be friends. SCREW HIM. If he didn't treat you like he should have hell no you can't be friends! Friends wouldn't treat each other the way he treated you. Get over the fact you'll never have an answer to a lot of questions. If you have things about him on your computer, throw them all in one file, and hide it somewhere on your computer so it's not in your face or anything. Think of it as this: if there ever comes a time when you can think about him and smile because things happened, you can always open these files. Before that day, DON'T open it.
Step three: You stalk your friends in the middle of the night because you can't sleep. You ask them what they like about you, and by doing this you try to convince yourself that you deserve better. The longer it's been since you've spoken to him, the better this will work. Also, pay attention to any kind of positive energy from the other sex. Don't do anything with it, just see it as a compliment.
Step four: Do all the interesting, hot, possibly illegal stuff you couldn't do because you were with him. Hit on a boy and dump him afterwards. Don't think about the consequences for him, you've got a broken heart to mend.
Step five: Do more stuff with friends. Make new friends. Make plans for your holidays. Make sure you do everything you want to, and be positive. If some guy likes you, don't blow him off right away, even if things don't work out, it's nice for your confidence to know that someone likes you.
Step six: Keep ignoring your ex. Yes, he is your ex now. Maybe even your mistake. You don't make mistakes, you just date them. Don't ever call him your boyfriend ever again, not even when you tell people about the good things in your relationship. EX. Anyway, keep ignoring him. Don't care about what he does to/with others. Even if he'd fuck the entire world. As if he was that good anyway. If he tries to contact you, yell at him and hurt him emotionally. He doesn't feel sorry enough for you when you cry about him to make up and everything, so you shouldn't feel sorry for him either. Don't feel guilty. It is all his fault. Of course you know there are some things you could've done differently, but it's over, case closed, the end, and it should be the cue of happy ending music. There is a reason why you didn't end up together. The reason is that there is someone better out there.
Step seven: Stop talking about him. I know you want to tell everyone a million times about him, even if everything you want to say is bad, stop it. Your friends can't do anything about it anyway, what do you want them to do, break his nose? Will you feel better then? This process is yours, and though it sucks, afterwards you will feel much better. Just stop talking about him and stop thinking about him. See other guys. Meet new people. Realize that there are millions of cute guys in the world. Single ones that aren't gay.

It won't take you long to find someone else. Some steps can be forgotten. Sometimes you should add another step. Just because some idiot dumped you, doesn't mean that your life's over. It has just begun.
It's only been a month for me. 2 weeks of crying, 2 weeks of concentrating on other stuff. And now there are new boys in my life. muahahaha.

Bluh.

I assume it's wrong to want your best friend and his girlfriend to break up because you want him for yourself. Is it wrong when you want him for yourself, because you think you'd be better for him? I guess.

Advice

Don't stay with him, thinking 'things will get better'. You'll be mad at yourself for staying with him a year later when things ARE NOT better.

I love you

Atmosphere - Don't ever f-cking question that

[I love you]
Enough to hold you to the brightest of lights,
to place you dangerously close to that sun,
enough to acknowledge the flaws you can't ignore
and recognize the cause of what's done is done,
more than enough to put my name behind my ideals,
and neglect my logic twice daily.
enough to keep me looking for my Lucy in the sky with gems,
when I remember how you used to call me baby,
enough to look in my mirror with detest
for every tear you shed regardless of why you wept,
enough to curse any man who can't appreciate the depth
of the ocean I swam till I ran out of breath.

This song confuses me big time. This song describes how I feel a little bit, but it's a bit inconsistent in my opinion. For instance: more than enough to put my name behind my ideals, and neglect my logic twice daily really appeals to me, I tend to lose my logic in relationships and just show how I feel and stuff. I have been hurt, but I loved him too much to acknowledge that he really meant things, and that he wasn't willing to change. But. Enough to keep me looking for my Lucy in the sky with gems is a sentence I really don't get. it's changed from Lucy in the sky with diamonds, from the Beatles, apparently they referred to drugs, but to me it doesn't seem like they're doing that. Something to think about for me.
Nice song though, I love how the aggression shines through so obviously in Atmosphere's songs, it makes me feel like working out.